Hi Aileen! Thank you for your answer in a brain dump or any way at all. I have not read your other posts so I did not understand your history. I now understand where you are coming from as I did not know the extent of trauma you experienced. I feel like I know others who have experienced such trauma and are fully functional people in our society. How do they/you do that? You are clearly better after you have faced demons and found other forms of help besides pharmaceuticals.

I also have sought out many of those things except for functional medicine. Acupuncture, ayurveda, naturopath, diet, supplements (most of which you mentioned), shamans, healers, therapy, movement, hiking, meditation, not sure what I am missing. These things would work for a period of time and then I would be thrown back into an even worse place than before. I am beyond extra sensitive. If I see a dead spider, I get a little upset.

I began seeing a psychiatrist at 51 years old and got my first SSRI medication. Previously I had only tried tricyclics when I was 19. One made me vomit and one made me have a seizure. The Dr. told me regularly that I’m depressed because I didn’t have a career after having children (I did have a career as a movement teacher, but that wasn’t valid for him.) AND you better believe that he threw med after med at me. I was on Remiron, Lamictal, Lithium, Lexapro and Ativan. He wanted me to come off the two antidepressants and begin MAOi like it’s flipping 1950. in two years I had 4 cycles of depressed and healthy. Three psychiatrits agree that I am not bipolar.

I went to the Ketamine Doc last June without telling the first one and the first one fired me from his practice. It hurt my feelings, but ultimately it was the best thing that could have happened for my life.

I can’t read your post as I type this so I am probably not addressing something. I very much appreciate this conversation as I know the ketamine is a lovely salve but I have to face what hurt is behind me. Thank you Aileen!

Danielle